Hair everywhere...except where you want it!

The new pics shows that I found a cute hair do that I like and I've been wearing it and getting compliments so that's great. (I actually went out a few times to more than the dr.'s office so that's always great to get a break from the apartment!!) But of course underneath the hair is the baldness that still sticks out as an example that girl you have cancer...and your body is still fighting it. Its like you know you have the disease, but when you have such an obvious example right in front of you its hard to forget!

Ok so being bald...yes its a side effect of the chemo and the radiation that I have had. But why is it now that hair is growing EVERYPLACE else except my head!!! I never had hair to shave on my legs or just random bush growing in certain body parts...until now. I find this crazy and a little amusing. Of course my more hairy friends tell me get a razor and get over it. But still its like man, lets transfer some of this hair growth to the bald dome and get that started! But I think I did see a few strands the other day and someone mentioned that I have one patch of hair in the back...so its making a comeback! Lets just see how long it takes!

Full Spine MRI Results

My doc called me with the updates of my full spine MRI and I guess results weren't too horrible. If you think way back to my initial diagnosis, at that time I had a fracture in my lower lumber and several compressed discs and had to get radiation to kill out some of that cancer and heal the fracture. I still have compressed discs and some other things going on in the lower back (some arthritis as well?) but apparently those items have been there for a while. Hence my 3 inch height reduction...yes I am finally coming to terms that I now am barely 5'4 inches vs. the 5'7 I use to be.

So what they did see is a new spot in the T9 area which is the thoracic spine. Its a small spot, I think 3mm, but it is in the actual spinal cord which is not good. So yeah it is not good news, but at least it's one spot. For now I am not really feeling any additional pain from that spot so we will just observe that area and pray that the new chemo will clear up this spot along with everything in the brain and continue to keep the liver stable. And let me give a shot out to my pain meds for my back because they sure do keep me going. I will now go back to admiring the pair of flat sandals that I bought today...I think this is the first pair of flat shoes that I have bought in years!! Can you imagine...no heels? flats? This is definitely a year of change for me! :)

Shopping and a New Look

Those that know me know that I love to shop and get a good deal. Normally I always score big at sales and end up with some pretty good pieces. Since being in Ohio I haven't really gotten out to go shopping and scoping out for sales like I use to when I had my transportation close by. Well this weekend my good friends came up for the weekend so Auntie and I got time to go out and explore and let me tell you I was loving it like a fat kid loves cake. For one, I had been saving up all my coupons just waiting for a chance to hit them up all at once. Also, with the big 3-0 birthday coming up I have been trying to see what "fantanbulous" outfits I can find for the celebration. Well I think I stayed pretty much in budget with my finds. But one purchase that I really like and didn't even plan to get was the "new look" aka HAIR! I now have a new look and I am thinking that I like it!

When your body is going through so much its like sometimes these outwardly changes can also be overwhelming because it is like the actual physical reminders of your sickness....your bald because of treatment...clothes don't fit the same because of drastic body changes...because of treatment. Its a lot to take in. And I will tell you all this; I am still trying to get accustom to this new very oddly sized 4/6/8 body that I have now that does not have any hips or bum. It is very odd to me and odd to dress and who knows when I will get use to that! I know that I will have to start exercising to stop the steroids gutt from getting out of hand...that will help the situation a little at least. That and not eating ice cream every single night!

The MRI revisited

One of the first blogs I have ever written is about the horrid MRI machine. Which still ranks as one of the most absolute evil machines that was ever designed! Since that initial encounter, I have had a few MRI sessions, much shorter than that first 2.5 hr one and I have found a way to manage. It is all about finding that mental spot to hide in and just wait out all the noise until you can once again free yourself from the grip of the devil machine! Ok. Well today I had a full spine MRI. I had been feeling like my back is getting "achier" and I want to make sure that the bones are not starting to act crazy. Well somehow, throughout the barrage of tests and other events that I have been battling recently, I must have forgot that a full spine MRI is like a 2 HOUR MRI. Something that I would have wanted to mentally prepare for! Well I wasn't prepared so hence I had to fight the battle of Gail vs. the sounds/attack of the MRI. I am still around to write this blog so you know I got through...but boy oh boy that junk is no joke. I started with a good plan: slow calm breathing, eyes closed, birthday celebration options on mind: all things to keep the breathing stable, the mind steady and the body totally still. For most of the time it worked. But when you just loose a smidget of concentration you can through off your entire focus and then its a matter of trying not to panic in that small space...which is really hard to do! You don't want to move and then have to retake pictures...that just extends the torture, but you don't want to have a panic attack in there either. Once again to another test I can just say Praise God its over and keep it moving!

A week down and still around

So I have a week under my plate with the new treatment and I am still around to talk about it! LOL. I must say that on the first day of new treatment I think I was just waiting around for the end to come...most of it all being mental. But again through God's help...and with Auntie here I got through it. Sometimes you think you are taking things all in stride and thinking man I got this under control and all you have to do is focus and have a plan and it will all work out. But sometimes you are just not prepared and it just hits all at once and its all you can do to just hold on for that moment and not just go completely in the deep end. I think I freaked out people a little when I told them that I wasn't really doing well because they are so use to me being fine and just going with the flow. Everyone has their ups and downs and its something that we may not be prepared for but its something that we know will happen and when it does just pray through it and wait for it to pass. And having some anti-anxiety pills accessible isn't a bad idea either! :)

After the shock is gone

Ok...so its been 3 days since the first dosage of new treatment and I am still alive to tell the story. Now the actually swallowing of the pills isn't bad. I mean how many pills have we all taken over time...I mean can anything touch cod liver oil tablets if you don't drink enough water with them? Yuck! But that first night, I think the overall situation just hit me all at once and with that came jitters, anxiety, panic all at once. All I can say is that it was ROUGH. Those of you who know me know that I can sleep anywhere at anytime no matter what the surroundings. But that first night had me up all night with 10 minute intervals of rest. Its hard to describe the feelings but I guess it was close to feeling like going crazy...how ever that feels. Now don't go calling the medics for me now please. I am ok...just giving you all a taste of what it was like. But as I say, God is good and he didn't keep me in that space. Yesterday was a great day and today is to. So once again its a matter of trying to enjoy the good times and black out the others!! And I think we all have noticed how fast time is flying by. I think that is to our benefit so that we can get through each day. So make sure that you are maximizing your days and making them count.

The Shipment is in

So I picked up the package of my new treatments today...delivered to the apartment. So I got a good hard look at my "horse pills" that I will be taking and divided them up into my cute pill containers so I don't forget a day. On face value nothing major, I mean they are just pills like the many others I take and have taken in the past. But then you read some of the reading material that comes along with it that have such wonderful descriptions on side effects and "do's" and "don'ts" and it gets you to thinking, just what all comes along with taking these meds. But the point is the good outweighs the bad right? So no matter what the goal is to stop the cancer however possible.

So now its time to pray and man up to prepare to begin the new regimen in the morning. I think I have read enough online blogs and postings on these meds to know to have some Imodium ready for possible diarrhea and lotion for the possible "hand/foot syndrome" But still, the unknown is still scary and its hard to face.