Saturday, January 17, 2009

F-E-A-R a four letter word

In my house the use of certain four letter words were forbidden of course. No foul language in the house. Now I find myself staring another four letter word dead in the face: FEAR. I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared at this new part of the journey that i'm on. I guess I woudn't be human if I didn't get a little frightened. When I first thought about whole brain radiation, my thoughts went immediately to those cartoons when they have like those radient beams coming out your head! And then I thought about brain damage and anything else that could go wrong. Of course the doctor set me straight on the real deal with radiation and what it really consists of. So then my fears focused around the actually side effects, and going through them. Its just all a bit much! But the big part is not staying in that feeling of fear and getting stuck in a rut. So I try not to think towards the future too much, because the uncertainty of what is to come is very scary. I also try and remember that the bottom line is that I am not in this journey alone. God has really brought me a very long way and he is still right beside me taking care of me. Once I remember that, I can get through these radiation treatments and whatever else might come afterwards. My good friend sent me this scripture and it is so true:

Psalm 56:3-4 - When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

If you weren't scared I would be worried Gail!!! It's only natural. To get through the hardest journey we need take only one step at a time, but we must keep on stepping. Hold steadfast to your faith and keep moving forward.

Vex said...

Chica, I would say you're having a normal reaction. I'm no doctor or anything, but I agree with Nikki with this one. If you didn't have fear, I would worry too. But you're doing wonderful, and look wonderful too. Looks like you must pull out the hair piece again. I know how much you love that thing. You're doing well my friend. god will never leave you nor forsake you. You are on a journey of a lifetime and I am very blessed to be a part of it. Thanks for sharing your life's journey with us all. May God continue to bless you as you continue to write and live.

Sherita said...

You are truly my inspiration! Bless God for your faith and your strength. God is good and he definitely has you in his arms. Love ya!